Facing Our Emotions: Why Avoidance Doesn’t Work

Many of us fear our emotions — not just the painful ones, but even the intensity of feeling itself. We worry that if we let our guard down, we might be overwhelmed or lose control. And so, we avoid. We push feelings aside, distract ourselves, or numb out in hopes they’ll fade.

But the truth is: what we avoid doesn’t disappear. It waits.

When emotions are unprocessed, they often build beneath the surface, showing up later in the form of outbursts, breakdowns, irritability, burnout, or even physical symptoms. In trying to escape discomfort, we unintentionally create deeper distress.

Numbing One Emotion Numbs Them All

Another consequence of avoidance is emotional numbing. In trying to silence sadness, fear, or anger, we often lose access to joy, excitement, and connection too. You can’t selectively mute emotions — they come as a whole.

Over time, this can lead to:

• Feeling emotionally disconnected from yourself and others

• Difficulty making decisions or knowing what you want

• A sense of emptiness or apathy

• Increased anxiety or depression

Emotions Are Not the Enemy — They Are Messengers

Emotions are not a problem to solve; they’re a message to receive. They give us insight into what we value, what we fear, what we long for. Each emotion — even the uncomfortable ones — has a role in our mental and emotional well-being.

• Sadness signals loss or unmet needs

• Anger points to violated boundaries or injustice

• Fear alerts us to danger (real or perceived)

• Joy connects us to what matters most

By learning to recognize, name, and sit with our emotions, we build self-awareness and resilience. This is the foundation of emotional regulation.

Be Brave. Feel the Feelings.

Avoidance may offer short-term relief, but facing your emotions is what creates long-term freedom.Learning to feel — truly feel — takes courage. But the more you practice, the more emotionally equipped you become. You gain clarity, control, and deeper connection with yourself and others.

You Don’t Have to Do It Alone

If you find it hard to manage strong emotions or don’t know where to begin, you’re not alone — and you don’t have to go it alone. Therapy offers a safe, non-judgmental space to explore your emotional world, learn tools to regulate it, and begin to heal.

As a professional counsellor serving Winkler and the Pembina Valley area, I help individuals and families navigate the emotional landscape of life with honesty, compassion, and clarity.

Lana Marinho Bezerra Alencar, M.A. Counselling

Associate Professional Counsellor, PACCP #769MB22

Specializing in women’s struggles, relationship dynamics, and family wellness.